Mute
by Sarcastic Clapping
Summary: Judy Hallows never spoke again, after the bad thing. But she still remembered her voice from before, and it hurt her. Hard. She thought nobody could help her, she thought she'd suffer in silence like the rest of the poor suckers out there. But that all changed when she meets Sirius Black, and he might be the key to earning her voice back again. Rated T for MAJOR depression.
1. Chapter 1

The sliding door of my compartment slid against the floor, and in came Lily and Severus, looking exhausted but excited, their eyes gleaming with eagerness to get to the castle. They plopped down next to me and began to blabber eagerly about Hogwarts, assuring me I'd love it and that it'd be the best experience of my life. I listened to their chat with boredom. I avoided the arts of talking for several years now, before the _bad thing _happened, but Lily and Severus didn't seem to mind.

They understood.

"And wait 'till you see the Great Hall- they're these gorgeous candles that levitate in the air, and the ceiling is enchanted to look like a night sky, and there're humongous, steamy dishes on the tables made specially by house-elves- it's absolutely spectacular!" said Lily as she fingered a strand of fiery red hair between her fingers. It _did _sound amazing. I didn't show that I was the tiniest bit impressed- I stared at my fingers and chewed on my lip.

I felt her eyes on me. I looked up from my pale hands and saw her concerned stare, fixed pointedly at my face. I stared back.

"Hey," she said, her voice soft, "are you okay?"

I forced myself to nod and smile, blinking two times. About four years ago, right after the bad thing, we made up a language all of us could understand- one blink meant no, two blinks meant yes, three blinks meant shove it up your nose and ect. ect. ect., you get the gist.

"Nice try, but I know you're hiding something. Now tell me what's really up with you," Lily grabbed my wrists and made me stare into her eyes. But the scraping of the sliding door opening once more shattered the moment, and in leaked four laughing boys, completely ignoring us as they sat down, still joking and laughing. Lily's face contorted into utter hatred, and Severus growled under his breath. I fixed my stare upon the boy next to me, trying hard not to scream.

His steely gray eyes were familiar- _too _familiar. I wondered for a split second if he knew me from the _before _time. His dark curls framed his sharp, handsome face, his mouth the shape of a cupid's bow. He fixed his gaze on mine, and my eyes instantly darted down to my hands once more.

"Well, well, well," He said in a loud, clear voice, "who's the new girl?"

His voice was like Dad's. I winced and Lily protectively grabbed my hand and pulled it into her lap.

"Judy doesn't talk," She hissed between her teeth. She was wrong. I used to.

"Why, cat got her tongue?" Another kid smirked. His scruffy black hair almost hid his hazel eyes. Lily scowled at him, but I held his gaze steadily.

"Judy doesn't talk, Potter. You don't need to know the reasons."

Severus's voice was wavering as he addressed the boy, his eyes flashing with hatred. I put my head on Lily's shoulder, and her hand stroked my black hair with an affectionate air.

"Well, Mute, my name's Sirius," The handsome boy grinned, and I flinched as if he hit me. "And the prat over there is James. The two clumps in the corner are Remus-" He pointed to a boy with scars all over his face, which was hardly visible as he bent over a book- "and Peter." The boy he was pointing to was rather kind of fat, with blonde hair hanging over his watery brown eyes.

I just nodded. He was much too full of himself for my likings. In other words, I hated him down to the core. I wasn't a mute- I could talk, if I wanted. But I don't. I swore I'd never speak again, after the _bad thing. _But, a part of me still longed to sing those pretty made-up songs that Ronny and I used to sing, a part of me still longed to chatter excitedly like Lily and Severus.

And I hated myself for it.

"So," the boy named Remus asked me, smiling kindly, "you're a first year, right?"

I shook my head _no. _I came from the Salem Witches school back in America. My dad only moved me to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year. I wondered why he didn't do it sooner, staying in Massachusetts only made him more irritable. I remember right after the bad thing happened, the only thing he'd drink or eat was a bottle of beer and large slivers of cake.

"She's from the Salem Witches Institute of Magic, she's in fourth year like us."

"She's from the Salem Witches? But they're all so good-looking! And she's, well,plain, to put it nicely…."

For a second, I wondered about the consequences if I hit Sirius in the face.

"Shut up," Severus hissed at him, and he threw back his head and laughed. Instantly, a sharp piercing pain stabbed my heart. My brother's laugh rung into my ears, except it was more husky and low... and _cruel_. Ronny's laugh was melodic, rather than lyrical. Sirius's was lyrical, rather then melodic. I wondered if Sirius could sing, and tears swam in my eyes. I put my head on Lily's lap and shut my eyes tight, trying to hold the tears at bay.

"Oi, James, look- Severus has finally got a girlfriend! What's he paying you, _Mute, _20 Galleons a day to pretend to be his girlfriend? _Pathetic._"

I tried to push out his hurtful words before I would whip out my wand and scream, _Crucio. _But _no- _I'd never use the Unforgivable Curses in my life; I'd rather die than become a monster like the Death Eaters.

"Sirius, _stop." _Remus's angry voice said, and I hear Sirius exhale.

"Fine, fine- see you around, Evans, Snivillius… _Mute._"

I heard the compartment door slam shut, and then silence.

Complete, utter silence.

**Hey, people! **

**I'm going to make this quick and short: Judy Hallows isn't a Mary Sue. Or, at least, I don't think so. She's tough- I mean, try not talking for four years with your tongue still intact. Plus, she's going to show off her bad-ass side in the next chapter. And if you have a problem with the way I write, then just stop reading now.**

**As for the way Judy, well, narrated, I'm just going to say she's old-fashioned, because the Salem Witches Institute pretty uptight in those days. She can do nonverbal spells, and all in all she's a pretty powerful witch.**

**Oh, and one last thing: This fanfiction is based loosely on **_**All the Truth That's In Me**_**. I suggest you read it- it's a beautiful book, I think you can find it in one of your nearest **_**Barnes and Nobles**_** bookstore, if you're a Californian like myself.**

**Anyways, please review; I'd love your thoughts on Judy!**

**-Sarcastic Clapping, A.K.A. Queen Awesome of Epic Proportions, A.K.A. Lyricalyrics A.K.A. Potterhead Enthusiast, A.K.A. Proud RavenPuff (Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, study on your Potterhead facts, people!), A.K.A. Mayor of Wackspurts and Head Chief of S.P.E.W., A.K.A. pure brilliance reincarnated into one divine form, A.K.A. President of the Sirius Black Fan Club, A.K.A. The girl with a thousand names but usually known as the way someone puts their hands together repeatedly in a snarky way**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, guys! And thank you to PrincessAmelie09 for her kind review! I'm kind of pissed that about 14 of you saw my story and didn't review, but you know, it's your choice, so I can't really do anything about it but hope my chapters on here will gradually get better. Anyways, here's the chapter!**

_**Sirius's POV, 3**__**rd**__** person**_

"I can't believe you made Lily mad, Sirius, you know that I was planning to ask her out this year!"

"You should thank me, you know, she would've said no at any rate- and plus, you ask her out every year, don't you think you should be moving on?"

James looked affronted at this.

"I'll never replace Lily- never!" He proclaimed, and with a loud _HARRUMPH!, _turned his back to Sirius and gazed out the window. Sirius smirked at his back before letting his mind wander to the mute.

She wasn't pretty, or special, and yet there was something in her eyes that Sirius could only comprehend as sorrow. For what, though? She seemed happy enough. He had to admit, he was a bit intrigued- not romantically, though, but as a professional fascination with the girl.

While Peter chatted with James, Sirius turned to Remus and jabbed his ribs to get his attention away from _Hogwarts, a History. _

"So what do you think of Mute?" He asked casually. Remus looked up and stared at him incredulously. It wasn't uncommon to hear Sirius chat about a girl, but they were usually hot. And, they could use there tongue… in more ways than one, at any rate.

"She's a quiet sort. Nice, I suppose… why do you ask?"

"No reason," Sirius said lightly and drummed his fingers on his leg, musing about the girl some more. She wasn't pretty, with her disheveled, neck-length black hair and her cloudy gray-blue eyes, and her skin was way too pale to be considered pearly, so it was a wonder why he was thinking about her, especially after he insulted her and her friends.

"Do you think she'll be put in Gryffindor?" He suddenly asked, and Remus's head snapped up to stare at him irritably.

"I don't know, Sirius," He said in an annoyed tone, and went back to his book. Sirius sighed as he stared at Remus's mousy brown hair. He _used _to be fun, but now…

"Well, I, for one, think she'll be in Slytherin," Sirius said to the silence, and James turned to stare at him with bewildered eyes.

"Why do you hate her so much? She actually seemed nice-"

"You're only saying that because she's Lily's friend, Prongs," Sirius snapped. Truthfully, he didn't know why he disliked her so much. And, for a second, his mind turned to Regulus. His future Death Eater brother, his annoying little sibling… yes, she reminded him of Regulus. He smiled bitterly, half-thinking the two should meet each other and get married someday.

After an awkward half-hour of silence, the Mauraders finally slipped into their black robes and were led out the train and into one of the carriages, led by the creepy and invisible Threstrals. Sirius never really liked the Threstrals- they gave him the willies, seeing as they were invisible except to those who watched a person get killed, and were completely responsible for their well-being during the ride to Hogwarts.

He heard laughs from the other carriage and turned around to see Mute, Lily, and Severus all giggling and chattering excitedly to one another- with the exception of Mute, of course. He saluted to them mockingly as the carriage sped off towards the castle, and they all gave him glares as his carriage passed.

The landing onto the castle's grounds was a rather bumpy one, but otherwise _okay. _Sirius, Remus, James and Peter carefully exited out their carriages and trudged over to Hagrid, who was leading them all inside the castle.

As they entered the Great Hall, Sirius couldn't help but marvel how beautiful it was this year: the levitating candles let off a rosy, gleaming glow, and the enchanted ceiling was a gorgeous shade of cloudy gray- almost exactly like Mute's eyes, he realized in shock. He peeked at her and saw her staring at the floor as she walked with the 1st years. He smiled smugly at her, but it went wasted as she walked past him.

Sirius, Remus, Peter and James took their seats down at the Gryffindor table, and as if on cue a bunch of fan girls squealed and instantly shoved each other next to one of the Mauraders- all except for Peter, who was looking quite glum as he stared over at the Head Table.

Dumbledore coughed loudly from over at the Head Table, and the students all quieted down as they leaned forward and stared at the old man with admiring eyes.

"Welcome, students," He began with a kind smile, "to a new school year here at Hogwarts. I hope you all have studied good and hard, because this year is going to be a very busy one- very busy! And let me personally welcome our newest student from the Salem Witches Institute of Magic, Judy Hallows,"

They all applauded as Judy stepped forward from the line of first years. Her straggly black hair hid her eyes as she bowed her head, and even though the students craned their neck to get a better view of her, her face stayed hidden until the Sorting began.

"RICHARDS, LAILA!"

A beautiful girl with long chestnut-colored hair stepped forward and sauntered to the Sorting Hat with an easy, confident smile on her face. No sooner had it been placed on her head did it yell, "GRYFFINDOR!", and she practically skipped to the cheering table, her cheeks rosy and bright. Sirius grinned at her, and she blushed even more- if that was possible.

"ADAMS, DAVID!"

A trembling boy walked to the Sorting Hat with a look of terror on his face, and after a second it yelled, "HUFFLEPUFF!"

A few others- "SMITH, DANIEL!" "CYPRESS, MAYA!" "DREWSON, EVE!"- were called before Mute was called.

"HALLOWS, JUDY!"

She stepped forward and walked to the Sorting Hat with a silent, eerie air in her footsteps as they smacked the ground. When the Sorting Hat was placed on her head, though, a weird thing happened. It opened its mouth and screamed- a high-pitched scream that made Sirius's blood curl. It sounded like a child, he realized, and all the blood drained out of his face.

Judy looked so pale, no snowfall could compare. She ripped the hat off her head and glared at Dumbledore, who stared at her with wide blue eyes. She pointed one pale finger to the Gryffindor table, and Sirius could almost hear Dumbledore's sigh as he nodded his consent.

Nobody clapped for her as she walked to the table. Nobody whooped or cheered for her as she took a seat down. In fact, for the rest of the meal, all eyes stayed on her- everybody except for Sirius and James, who were wolfing down their food happily. The rest, though… not so much.

But as Sirius peeked at her face, he was surprised to see he wasn't crying, or holding back tears or all that jazz- instead, her face was stony, her eyes were cold, and her fingers drummed an intricate pattern on the tablecloth that Sirius could only comprehend as Morse code.

_I love you, _she was saying.

**Hey, guys- I know this was a bit over-the-top, but I **_**had **_**to distinguish Judy as different **_**somehow, **_**right? And I know the child's scream was pretty confusing, but you'll understand in the later chapters. As for the Sorting Hat, I know you want an explanation, so I'll tell you right now: It dived into her thoughts, as it usually does with students, to see what House it should Sort her into. But instead of thoughts- he found a scream. And so he yelled what was going on in her mind- there wasn't anything else in her mind except for a child's scream. **

**Hey, I know this chapter was pretty morbid, but next chapter is Judy's POV- I'm **_**so **_**much better with her, and if you can tell me if I should continue on with Sirius's POV, please let me know!**

**-Sarcastic Clapping, A.K.A. Queen Awesome of Epic Proportions, A.K.A. Lyricalyrics A.K.A. Potterhead Enthusiast, A.K.A. Proud RavenPuff (Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, study on your Potterhead facts, people!), A.K.A. Mayor of Wackspurts and Head Chief of S.P.E.W., A.K.A. pure brilliance reincarnated into one divine form, A.K.A. President of the Sirius Black Fan Club, A.K.A. The girl with a thousand names but usually known as the way someone puts their hands together repeatedly in a snarky way**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, guys, and an especially warm shout-out to you, KnockturnSeller! Thanks for your reviews, and I agree with you on the matter that Sirius is turning into a total brat- but, don't worry, he just doesn't understand Judy for now. It's like Severus- he never understood him, so he turned into a bully. Or, at least, that's my thoughts on it- most bullies pick on kids they don't understand.**

**UGH, my author's note is turning into a Hallmark card, isn't it? Anyways, here's the next chapter- and please review!**

The scream still rang in my ears long after our bedtime.

As I listened to the girls' quiet snores, and their breathy mumbles, Ronny's scream still echoed in my head.

"_Judy- help me!" _

I shivered as his yells screeched into my mind.

The rest of the ceremony was awkward. No, it was more than awkward- it was absolutely, positively _horrific. _I felt their eyes on me the whole time, boring into my head. And the voices inside my head were acting up- more so than usual.

_Judy, Judy, why didn't you help me when I called you? You're a bad sister, a very bad sister…_

_How can you stand yourself after watching us die? _My mother's voice scolded. _You just watched as we were killed by the Death Eaters, you're a coward- I disown you! _

In reality, my mother was sweet and even-tempered. Inside my head… not so much. I never told anyone about my schizophrenia- I knew they wouldn't understand, I knew I'd be the social outcast once more. So, I suffered in silence, pitying Ronny, pitying Mother, pitying Dad… pitying myself.

I blamed myself for their deaths. I _was _a coward, just like the voice in my head said… I still heard their pleas, I still saw the agony in their eyes as Grayback whipped out his wand, screaming, _Avada Kedavra…_

I tried to stifle my muffled screams as I buried my face in my pillow.

As the other girls snored quietly around me, I knew I wouldn't sleep. I wouldn't sleep until daylight came and woke the other girls up, I wouldn't sleep until the voices in my head ceased to exist… and I knew that wouldn't happen for a very, very long time.

Wrapping my night-robe around me, I tiptoed across the dormitory and glanced uneasily behind me. Their snores echoed around the dormitory, almost like a choir singing in harmony. I nearly laughed at the thought.

Without another delay, I threw the door open, shut it silently behind me, darted across the Common Room, and dashed out of the Fat Lady's portrait hole in one quick movement. Reading would help me, I'd fall asleep in the library…

But all my plans were for naught as Mrs. Norris walked down the hall, her tail high, eyes gleaming with malice. She yowled as soon as she spotted me, and I mentally cursed inside my head as Filch's footsteps came running down the corridor. Fortunately for me, he was a withered old man and his athletic abilities were as developed as my speaking skills, so I ran down the hall and tried to find my way to the library.

At last, I came across some heavy-looking oak doors. It seemed library-like, old-fashioned and all those good things, so I opened it up a crack and peeked inside. I nearly pumped my fist into the air- I found it!  
I tiptoed inside and instantly wandered into the '_Muggle Fairytale' _section. I selected the _Little Match Girl _and curled up on the carpeted floor to read.

The story was about a young girl in the cold snow, who didn't want to go back home because her father would beat her up if she came back with no money. She looked up at the midnight sky and saw a shooting star up above. "Someone is dead," She mused out loud. Her grandmother always told her that when she saw a shooting star, it meant that somebody died.

But the distraction couldn't keep her for long- it was so cold, so bitterly cold… she lit a match, and instantly a golden, glowing Christmas tree appeared before her, along with her long-dead grandmother, the only person in the world to treat her with love and respect.

"Grandmother!" she daid. "Oh, take me with you! You go away when the match burns out; I sorely wish to be with you!" And she rubbed the whole bundle of matches quickly against the wall, because she wanted to be quite sure of keeping her grandmother near her. And the matches gave such a glowing, beautiful light that it was brighter than at noon-day: never had the grandmother been so beautiful and so tall. She took the little match girl, on her arm, and took her into the kingdom of God.

I wish I could be so fortunate as to be the Little Match Girl, and see the splendors that she saw, and freeze to death like she did. It would be doing me a favor, in fact, to abandon the horrible reality of a life I was living.

So, with the morbid thoughts of death and ice and glowing Christmas trees, I fell asleep with my cheek sticking on page 12 of the Little Match Girl.

**Hey, people- I hope you didn't expect a chapter with Sirius, I wanted to give you a personal insight in Judy's mind. Horrible stuff, huh? I know this was a pretty self-pitying chapter, but I thought it to be rather sorrowful and emotional… Anyways, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!**

**-Sarcastic Clapping, A.K.A. Queen Awesome of Epic Proportions, A.K.A. Lyricalyrics A.K.A. Potterhead Enthusiast, A.K.A. Proud RavenPuff (Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, study on your Potterhead facts, people!), A.K.A. Mayor of Wackspurts and Head Chief of S.P.E.W., A.K.A. pure brilliance reincarnated into one divine form, A.K.A. President of the Sirius Black Fan Club, A.K.A. The girl with a thousand names but usually known as the way someone puts their hands together repeatedly in a snarky way**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, guys! And thank you, PrincessAmelie09 and KnockturnSeller, for your continued support and kind reviews. Now that I distinguished Judy enough (I hope), I'm going to make this a little less sorrowful and self-pitying then the others. So, yeah- hope you enjoy the chapter!**

_**SIRIUS'S POV, 3**__**RD**__** PERSON**_

"Oi, Sirius! Wake up- we've missed almost a half-hour of Charms already!"

James's desperate voice woke Sirius up from his happy dream that included a girl and that closet on the second floor. He moaned at him to go away, but James smacked him on the cheek until he woke up.

"OKAY, JAMES, I'M UP ALREADY!" Sirius roared, and James rolled his eyes as he threw clean-but-wrinkled black robes at him. He was sweating bullets, much to Sirius's amusement.

Just to get on his nerves, Sirius slowly shrugged on the robes and tried to smoothen out every single wrinkle on it. Then, he shuffled like an old man across the room to his shoes and carefully slipped them on his feet. James was watching the whole thing with a nervous scowl on his face.

By the time Sirius trudged back to him, his face was covered with a thin sheet of sweat.

"WHY'D YOU DO THAT- YOU KNOW CHARMS IS THE ONLY CLASS I HAVE WITH LILY, YOU GREAT BIG PRAT!" James yelled, smacked him on the head, and, grabbing his arm, dragged him out of the dormitory, across the Common Room, and made a dash to Charms class, which was in classroom 2E. Sirius opened the door with a flourish.

Professor Flitwick looked up from where he was demonstrating a simple Cheering Charm spell on a lucky Lily Evans, and smiled at them. Unlike Professor McGonagall, he didn't mind if they were late or not- just not so late that there were only about 5 minutes left in class.

"My boys, please take a seat! I was just instructing the class on how to make Cheering Charms…" He turned back to Lily, who was sporting a look of great peace and happiness.

"As you can see here," He gestured to Lily, who was gazing, moony-eyed, out the window, "it makes the, ah, victim, to be quite happy and peaceful, but when overdone, it can cause the victim to be overcome with hysterical laughter."

Sirius and James snorted.

"Do you want to add something, boys?" Professor Flitwick asked earnestly. They shook their heads, suppressing laughter as they did.

All of a sudden, the doors flew open and in rushed Mute, looking like a horrible mess, with her ink-black even more disheveled then usual and her eyes bloodshot.

"Ah, Miss Hallows! Come in, come in," Professor Flitwick called over with a smile on his face. Judy smiled politely back and took a seat next to Lily's ink, parchment, and quills. Lily joined her, and they were soon deep in conversation- or, at least, Lily was, whereas Judy looked as if she had something stuck in her eye, she was blinking so rapidly.

**. . .**

"So, where've you been, Mute?" Sirius asked Judy later that day as they were beginning to eat their lunch in the Great Hall. Judy glared at him and flicked some of her roasted cheese balls at him. He chuckled and caught the cheese-ball in his mouth, letting out a large (and especially unattractive) belch, which made James clap appreciatively. Remus, who was jerking his nose into a book, gave him a look of disgust, but James was grinning like a Muggle mum's kid who got a perfect score on their report card.

"Well done, mate," He said proudly, clapping Sirius on the back.

"That's disgusting," Lily wrinkled her nose as she took a seat next to Judy. James immediately faked a look of disgust.

"Er, right- that's disgusting, Padfoot, for shame!"

Sirius rolled his eyes and gulped down a few swings of pumpkin juice.

"Oh, shut up, Potter," Lily rolled her eyes and lowered her voice to talk to Judy.

"Don't listen to Black, he's a foul little prat," She muttered under her breath. Judy just shrugged and stared at Lily with blank eyes, blinking five times fast. Lily patted her arm sympathetically and turned to her cream puffs. James stared at her, a look of lust evident in his eyes, before Sirius flicked him on the arm.

"Oi, lovebird," He snapped, annoyed, "where's Peter?"

James looked around. The plump boy was nowhere to be seen. But James was glad for it- the usual admired ramble of Peter's had always irritated him more than he could say.

"I don't know- I think he left early to get a start on his Potions homework back in the Common Room," James replied, and continued to wolf down his poorly-cut steak. Sirius sat there for a moment, before his thoughts were interrupted by a squeal of a wooden chair on the floor. He looked up and saw Judy gathering her things from the table, looking exhausted. He didn't know what made him do it- maybe sympathy at her evident lack of friends, maybe just because he was bored out of his mind- but he got up, too, and pulled a few of Judy's books into his arms.

At her glare, he shrugged and flashed a half-smile at her.

"May I please escort you back to the Common Room?" He asked with a slight, mocking bow. She scowled and crossed her arms, but allowed him to follow her back to the Common Room.

"So, Mute, where were you today? You know, at Charms?" He asked, then scolded himself mentally. It wasn't any of his business- and personally, he didn't really want to know.

Judy let out a tiny sigh and jerked her thumb over to the library door, where they very conveniently were walking past at the moment. Sirius stopped, though, at the threshold, and grinned at her.

"What's your favorite book?" He asked her, tone sincerely genuine for once. Judy stared at him, eyebrow raised, before stepping inside of the library and leading him forward, to the 'Muggle Fairytale' section of the library. Sirius bent down and dropped Judy's books on an empty table, then trailed after her to the corner of the section. She selected it a book and practically shoved it in his face.

_**The Little Match Girl, **_it read.

"Oh," Sirius said, "I've never read this one before- what's it about?"

For the first time ever, Sirius saw Judy smile at him. Granted, it was a very half-hearted smile, and the corners of her mouth barely flicked up- but it was a smile nonetheless. She pantomimed opening a book and reading it, then gave him a little shooing gesture.

He laughed quietly and opened the cover of the book.

**Hey, guys! How was the first chapter? I hope it's not **_**too **_**cheesy for your taste- I mean, cheesy is a darned good flavor, but in some cases…**

**Ugh. Enough with my rambling- I'll just end this short. Reviews would be appreciated!**

**-Sarcastic Clapping, A.K.A. Queen Awesome of Epic Proportions, A.K.A. Lyricalyrics A.K.A. Potterhead Enthusiast, A.K.A. Proud RavenPuff (Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, study on your Potterhead facts, people!), A.K.A. Mayor of Wackspurts and Head Chief of S.P.E.W., A.K.A. pure brilliance reincarnated into one divine form, A.K.A. President of the Sirius Black Fan Club, A.K.A. The girl with a thousand names but usually known as the way someone puts their hands together repeatedly in a snarky way**


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up with my head against Sirius Black's shoulder.

I'd just awaken from the most _WONDERFUL _sleep in the world- it was dreamless, in case you're wondering- and the sunlight literally almost blinded me as I struggled to sit up.

_That's _when I realized that, yes, I _was _sitting up- and not only that, _MY HEAD WAS LOLLING ON SIRIUS EFFING BLACK'S SHOULDER._

Praying to Merlin he wouldn't wake up, I gently removed my head from his shoulder, then struggled to make my heavy limbs work as I got up. It was a sunny Saturday- and by sunny, I mean _Merlin-make-the-fiery-flames-stop _sunny. With an almost eerie silence surrounding me, I shivered and bent down to collect my books.

Sirius woke up with a start as a heavy _Hogwarts, a History, _fell from my hands. He looked around and yelped. Making a strangled noise half-way in between a dying cat and a choking donkey, he asked in a hoarse voice, "D-Did that just happen?"

My cheeks flamed as I ignored the question and swooped down to collect _A History of Magic, _from where it was sprawled onto the floor. From the corner of my eye, I saw Sirius struggle to get up.

"A little help, Mute?" He asked me, but his tone wasn't exasperated and annoyed. No, he shocked me with his pleading voice as he feebly tried to lift his head away from the bookshelf.

"I feel like I've been petrified," He mumbled as his head rested on the bookcase once more. I laughed, and then almost instantly clamped my mouth shut. It felt weird to have even the slightest noise come out of my mouth. Sirius stared at me with wide eyes.

"So _that's _what it's like when you laugh," He grinned, getting up from the floor. _The Little Match Girl _slipped from his lap as he stood up. Collecting it in his hands and putting it back on its shelf, he continued. "It's nice, Judy. Your laugh, I mean," He said at my questioning look. "You should do it more."  
Blushing and trying to act as if he had _NOT _flattered me, I gave a little shrug and turned to walk out of the library.

"We should do this again," Sirius's voice called after me. And for once, I believed he wasn't teasing.

**. . .**

"Judy, where were you?" Lily hissed to me as I slipped down in the empty seat next to her. I sighed and forced a smile on my lips as I gave the smallest of nibbles to the edge of my toast. I looked over at the Slytherin table and tried to catch Severus's eye. He was chatting with his future Death-Eater friends, and I scowled as I pushed my plate away. Lily frowned as she followed my gaze.

"I know," She muttered in a low voice. "I've been trying to tell him his little 'friends' are bad news, but he wouldn't listen to me. Stubborn git," She said angrily, spearing a sausage and popping it into her mouth.

If only I was a Legilimens. I could tell her my theory on Severus and how he'd turn into a nasty Death Eater if we didn't do something, _soon. _I could tell her what happened earlier today, too, with Sirius. She'd know what to do… I hope. I desperately wanted to tell her that whenever he was around, my stomach would twist and it'd feel like my heart was doing jump-rope inside of my chest. But, as I looked ahead over the table, I saw him snogging this ridiculously pretty girl, Marlene McKinnon, across the table.

My mouth was dry. I let out a tiny, miniscule sob, and turned away from Lily hurriedly, wiping away my tears.

And you know why? I'm not going to give you any of that dung about how I didn't know why I felt this way. No, I knew exactly what the symptoms were, and I dreaded the diagnosis of my little "disease". I was in love with Sirius, and he was in love with his own reflection.

Oh, bollocks.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey, guys! Thanks for all your super-DUPER awesome reviews, and a special shout-out to Chaansan, for her AWESOME advice and reviews. I love you guys so much- you know that, right? And I'm not just typing this because it's after midnight and I get **_**REALLY **_**sentimental after the clock hits twelve… **

**Where were we again? Oh, right, the story….**

**. . .**

Sirius Black didn't know what to think anymore.

First, he slept through the night in the library with MUTE, of all people, he didn't snog a girl for 24 hours straight, and his food left untouched as he observed Judy from the corner of his eyes. What was _WRONG _with him? It wasn't like she was even pretty to look at; what was the point of creepily staring at someone while they blinked twelve times fast at their friends because they couldn't talk after God-knows-what when they're not even _pretty._

Sirius swore, he was going absolutely loony.

He noted that every time Lily or Snivillius began to prod her, she'd smile nervously and fiddle with that old-fashioned key-locket chain around her neck. And when they'd saw something supposedly funny, her eyes would automatically flicker to her hands as she laughed, like she was torn between laughing and crying. It was sad to see, but even so, Sirius was fairly sure the ache in his heart when he saw her talking to Severus wasn't only pity.

He was only barely aware of an annoying source calling his name.

"Sirius, Sirius, oh _See-r-i-ous!" _The annoying source said in a sing-song voice. Sirius's eyes snapped back to James, who was staring at him with a smirk.

"Who's the loverboy now, huh? Huh?"

"Oh, shove it up your arse, Prongs," said Sirius as he (rather sharply) speared a green bean onto his fork. Instantly, James knew something was wrong. If there was one food Sirius did _NOT _eat, it was green beans. And here he was, spearing the green monstrosity with his fork like it was something he did every day.

Indeed, something was wrong.

James looked at Remus and Peter to see if they noticed the same thing. But Remus was reading _again, _and Peter was in la-la-land, _again. _He decided to take matters into his own hands.

"So, where were you yesterday, huh? We never got 'round to pranking the Slytherins," He said in a hopefully convincing casual tone. Sirius looked at him, unimpressed.

"If I wanted to tell you, I'd have told you already," He said irritably as he popped the green bean into his mouth. Across the table, Judy's head peeked up from where it was in not-really conversation with Lily and Severus, who'd surprisingly decided to have lunch with the girls instead of his future Death Eater goons, and she and Sirius both exchanged glances. Almost comically, they'd tear off each other's gazes and look away, but a second later their eyes would flicker back to one another, like they couldn't help but stare (rather creepily, in James's opinion, though some would call it romantic) at each other.

James almost barfed in his mouth.

"Well, why don't you? Was it the usual: Snogging a fifth year in an empty closet, serving detention with McGonagall, taunting Snivil-"

"Am I really that predictable?" said Sirius distractedly as he ate another green bean. James hid a chuckle for a cough and managed to shake his head.

"It just sounds like something you'd do, that's all," James hid his grin as he picked up his chicken drumstick and began to chew off the flesh on the bone.

"Argh, I _am _predictable, aren't I? Bet she hates guys she can predict… I'm a goner..."

"Whoa, slow down? _Who _hates predictable men?" James asked. Sirius looked at him, steely gray eyes meeting hazel, and he said in a low voice, "I need your help. I can't do this alone. It's about-"

"Guys," Remus said suddenly, voice wavering, "what day is it today?"

James and Sirius both looked at him oddly. "November 5th, why?"

And then the dawning horror came crashing down on them like a wave.

"Oh, Merlin, Remus, we totally forgot!" Sirius said guiltily. He was too busy making flirty eye-contact with Judy to even realize that his best friend was going to turn into a literal monster in a couple of hours. "Did you take the potion?"

Remus shook his head grimly. They were too busy panicking to notice Judy's quiet exit away from the Gryffindor table and out the Great Hall. If they were, then the whole mess wouldn't have happened. But, they didn't notice. They were trying to make plans to steal some wolfsbane potion from Slughorn's classroom, but Remus continued to be a pessimist.

"It's no use, guys, I'm going to become full-fledged werewolf any hour now…" He moaned. James gripped his forearm, _hard._

"You listen to me," He said roughly. "No Maurader is going to become a werewolf without my permission. We're going to sneak out of the Great Hall _right _now, and we're going to keep you stable until it passes, you understand me?"

Without a word Remus nodded, and they all slipped out of the Great Hall undetected. Hurrying outside of the castle, they made their way to the Forbidden Forest, unaware of the song until it was too late to turn back.

It was Peter who first heard it. Sirius didn't have a clue why, seeing as though he looked as if he was still stuck in la-la-land, but he stopped dead in his tracks after a few moments of walking. Singing fluttered up to his ears, as delicate as a butterfly's wings.

"Guys," He whispered anxiously, "you hear that?"

And one by one, each boy cocked a head to the sky above and the singing suddenly fluttered, in tiny strips, to their ears. It was an eerie, sad song, filled with defeat.

_Good-bye, memories, from the past_

_Good-bye, day, night grows fast,_

_Good-bye, love,_

_Hello, pain, _

_I lost my hope, but I suffer the same,_

_Wishing on stars, for the angels to take me away…_

The voice cracked, but it managed to croak out the last words of the song.

_Saying good-bye to the body,_

_But here it still remains._

It was unmistakably a girl's voice. In fact, it was probably the most purest, most clear voice Sirius had ever heard. Pure and dark and despairing at the same time…

"Peter, go with Remus; James and I'll try to get this pessimist out of the forest before she gets killed," He whispered hurriedly to the blonde. Peter stared at him with his large, watery eyes.

"But-" He squeaked.

"_GO!" _Both Sirius and James yelled. The girl's voice stopped, and a now-high, slightly wavering voice asked out to the open, "Hello? Is anyone there?"

Peter and Remus ran for it.

Exchanging looks, Sirius and James turned into their Animagus forms and trotted off to where the voice was now singing once more. They came across a clearing, with one large fallen log sitting on top of the forest floor. And sitting on top of that, with a guitar in one hand while the other strummed the strings freely as she sang….

_Judy._

Sirius barked in surprise, and Judy threw down her Muggle guitar in frustration until she saw the animals.

"Oh," She breathed in a now-steady voice, "It's just you two. Well, come on, don't be shy," She added irritably, when they didn't move. They hesitantly trotted to where she was sitting down, her skinny legs dangling. She leaned down and petted both Sirius and James's heads with soft caresses.

"For a second, I thought you were…" She let the thought trail off. "My name's Judy Hallows. A few years ago, my mother and brother were murdered by Death Eaters, and I just stood there in the clearing while they-" She broke off with a tiny sob. But, a second later, she regained control and continued.

"While they were tortured to death. I made a promise never to utter another word again." Her eyes were bright with emotions as she leaned towards the two. "But today, I broke that promise."

She strummed her guitar once more.

"I just can't it anymore; could you?" She asked Prongs, running her hands over his polished antlers. He shook his head at her.

"Sirius Effing Black calls me _Mute._ If only he knew, right?"

Padfoot looked guiltily down at the forest floor.

"And sometimes, I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, to show them that I know more pain then they'll ever have in their lives, and they just don't _look." _She took a deep breath.

"But it won't matter anyways, now, will it? Because this'll all end by tonight. I'm going to the top of Gryffindor tower, and I'm going to _Avada Kedarva _myself. _I just can't do this anymore._"

Her voice shook, and before James knew it she was sobbing on the crook of his furry neck. Sirius barked despairingly and tried to lick her tears away.

_I'm so sorry, _he thought despairingly, as his tongue brushed against a salty tear. Judy gently caressed his face and kissed his cold snout. _I'm so, so sorry, Judy…_

His thoughts were broken by one bloodcurling scream. Judy tensed up and immediately slipped from the log, wand out, guitar strap against her shoulder.

"I think we should run," Judy said in a high voice.

They ran.


	7. Chapter 7

I couldn't handle this anymore.

Life wasn't beautiful anymore; shadows crept at the edges of my heart, memories of my dead mom and Ronny kept on popping out of nowhere, haunting my mind with their creepy, cold hands. I was hardly warm anymore; I couldn't sleep or eat; and I most certainly couldn't bear to watch that idiot of a player flirt with every girl in sight.

The dog and the stag ran with me as we dashed through the forest.

Horrified, bloodcurdling screams were heard behind us, and branches whipped at my face as I sprinted past, shouldering my guitar every few seconds so it wouldn't fall off. The two animals were unnaturally intelligent- I could see it in their eyes and movements. It was just _too _human. With my luck, they'd be Animagus animals that are secretly Aurors in disguise who're trying to promote the office of _Dangerously Suicidal Witches and Wizards _in the Ministry of Magic. To be honest, it seems like a pretty good idea. Don't Muggles have therapists they could go to if they were feeling oddly suicidal?

As soon as we were safely out of the forbidden forest, I turned to the two animals and reached up to touch the stag's antlers.

"You're quite beautiful, you know," I told him- I decided it was a boy-, and he bowed his head down to me. Then I bent down to pet the dog's ears.

"Thanks for listening to my suicide plans," I said, sarcasm edging my voice. "Don't tell your friends back in the forest, m'kay?"

I turned my back on them and headed for the Common Room. I_ had _to see Lily before I left- maybe, just maybe, we'd have a little chat. It seemed weird to me that I would rather die than talk to people, but then again, I'm not all that normal.

As soon as I entered the Common Room, I was really confused to see that it was empty. Only then did I realize that it was probably half past 12, and that I'd been entirely lucky that I wasn't caught by Filch. I headed up to my dormitory, not at all planning on sleeping, and quietly shrugged off my guitar strap, letting the guitar slid onto my bed. I looked across the room and saw Lily, sleeping blissfully under the moonlight, her flaming red hair sprawled all around her pillow; like a halo of red flames. I tiptoed across the room and touched her hand.

"Good-bye, Lily," I whispered under my breath. Then I half-ran, half-tiptoed back inside the Common Room and was just about to raise my wand to my forehead, when Sirius and James (the goonbags that they are) all race inside the Common Room, their clothes tattered and their faces sweaty, like they just ran a mile. I wondered where their other friends where.

God, I was so _stupid! _Trust Sirius and his goon to go and ruin my plans, all because of some late-night pranking! I immediately lowered my wand and jumped on a nearby armchair, hoping Sirius and his idiot of a friend would think I just was brooding in there all night. Unfortunately, they spotted me just as I lunged onto the armchair.

"What are you doing?" The three of us asked each other in unison. Scowling, I plucked myself up from my armchair and gave them a rude hand gesture. They exchanged dark looks with each other.

"Judy, give up the act- we know you can talk. Sing, even."

What? What the hell were they talking about? Suddenly, hotness crept up to my cheeks. I knew it was impossible, but still…

"You were the animals, weren't you?" I said in a dull voice. Sirius stepped forward, and I flinched as though I'd been hit.

"You may ruin other people's life, but you won't ruin mine much longer." I said, and raised my wand once more. But the two goons had their wands out before I could even whisper the curse.

"Expelliarmus!" They both yelled, and my body thudded against the wall, it was so powerful. Then darkness covered me, like a cold blanket, and I thought no more.

**. . .**

I woke up with the Mauraders, Lily, and Severus staring anxiously at my face.

I didn't even have the energy to get up, so I just lay there like an idiot, blinking a couple of times until my vision cleared up from the fog. And then the memories from last night ran inside my mind.

Flushing angrily, I turned away from Sirius and his friends and pulled my attention to Severus, who had worried creases in his forehead, and Lily, who's eyes were glistening with tears.

"I'm sorry," I said in a monotone, like it was a sentence I didn't believe. Instantly, Lily burst into tears and threw her arms around my neck in a death-hold. I choked, and she quickly moved back, giving me an apologetic, watery stare.

"I almost lost you, Judy! I love you- you're like the sister I always wanted- you almost died, why, Judy?!" She rambled. I glared down at my hands.

"It's none of your concern, Lily," I said sharply. It felt really weird to use my voice after so many years of silence. To my surprise, Lily glared at me so venomously I flinched back into my pillows.

"Oh, so my best friend- my soul sister-'s death is none of my concern?" She asked, voice seething. I shut my eyes. The light flooding in the hospital wing was too bright. Why, why was it so bright in here?

"It was suicide, Lily, and if you really were my best friend you'd have figured it out already!" I yelled, my voice hoarse.

"How could you just abandon me and Severus, huh?! We need you, Jud-"

"NO, YOU DON'T! YOU WANT ME, AND THAT'S SELFISH OF YOU TO TAKE AWAY THE ONLY WISH I HAVE LEFT IN THIS WORLD!" I shouted.

"She didn't take it, though," Sirius said softly, chiming in for the first time, "we did."

"Yes, you did," I said in a deadly soft tone. Lily burst into tears once more, and she had her arms around James Potter, crying in the crook of his neck. He looked surprised, but pleased, and gently put his arms around her waist. Severus glared at them, seething, but immediately turned back to my when I suddenly landed in a violent coughing fit.

"I'll go get Madame Pomfrey," Remus Lupin said awkwardly, and he and Peter Pettigrew hurriedly dashed off. I didn't break my death-glare with Sirius.

"I hate you," I told him venomously.

"No, you don't," was his reply.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey, guys!  
I'm going to make this pretty brief: I love all your positive reviews- especially you, chaansan!- and I hope you'll continue to review! You guys are just so sweet and I don't know what I'd do without you!**

**. . .**

"No, you don't," Sirius said softly.

Instantly, Judy raised an arched black eyebrow at him, patiently waiting for him to explain while she propped herself up on the pillows. James and Lily were already edging away, and Severus was backing into the shadows, his skin ashy while he watched Sirius and Judy talk.

"What do you mean, Sir-"

"You always glance at me whenever your talking- blinking- whatever- to Lily at lunch and dinner; you stare at me through the corners of your eyes at Charms; you love me, for Merlin's sake!" Sirius shouted.

"Maybe I do, Sirius! Maybe I loved you since I saw you and you continue to be a goddamned player all the goddamned try, and I'm so plain-looking that you'll never like me!" Judy screamed at him. Tears were swimming in her eyes, Sirius noted with shock, and a bead fell from her eyelash and trickled down her cheek.

Sirius leaned over and brushed the tear away.

"I've always loved you, Judy- it just took longer for me to find out," He said quietly, his eyes soft. Judy buried her face in her hands and started to sob.

"Shh, shh, it's okay," Sirius comforted and settled down in a small spot next to her on the cot, gently wiping away her tears with his thumb. She looked up at him, and then their lips met.

Soft hands tangled up in Sirius's hair, and Judy's lips touched his- as soft as a cloud, and a thrill of joy rushed into Sirius's bones as he put his hands gently on either side of her face. They gently parted for air.

"Sirius…" Judy said weakly, her tears still running down her face. "I think I might be in love with you."

"Funny coincidence," breathed Sirius as he put a warm arm around her, "I think that I might be in love with you, too."

Judy snuggled against his side, and slowly her deep breaths softened. A small snore escaped, and Sirius chuckled as he brushed her hair aside and kissed her forehead. Suddenly, all the bad things about her appearance seemed to disappear. Her skin seemed rosy, her lips redder (and plumper) then before; even her hair seemed more beautiful. She was perfect, in his eyes, and he stayed by her side until Madame Pomfrey almost had a heart attack when she stumbled onto the two dozing teenagers and shooed him away.

**. . .**

The next day, when Judy was finally allowed to escape the hospital wing, she climbed up to Gryffindor Tower, anxiously biting on her lip. What would she say when she saw the other students? Surely they knew by now she could speak. What about Lily- or Sirius?  
_Sirius. _The very thought of him sent tingles down her spine. What _were _they? A couple? He probably just pitied her when he kissed her. But didn't he say he loved her? _Probably says that to every girl he shags, _Judy thought morbidly.

The Fat Lady glared at her while she was brooding.

"Are you going to leave me waiting for you all day?" She snapped, and Judy hurriedly gave her the password, took a deep breath, and walked inside the Common Room.

Instantly, five shouts of "JUDY!" erupted from the back of the room, and Lily, Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter all rushed towards her. Sirius immediately took her by the waist and kissed her, hard, on the lips and almost instantly backed away, leaving Judy with a warmth in her skin and the thought that maybe he _wasn't _just faking when he told her he loved her.

"Lily!" Judy gasped, just as Lily screamed, "Judy!", and the two girls embraced each other with tears burning in their eyes. Lily pulled Judy close to her, her arms circled around her neck, crying and laughing at the same time.

"I'm so sorry," The two girls cried at the same time, and then they burst out into hysterical tears and laughs. The four boys behind them exchanged looks.

"Judy," Remus began, concern edging his voice, "are you okay? I mean-"

"Thanks, Remus," Judy smiled, pecking his cheek (much to the surprise of him, and the annoyance of Sirius), "but I'm quite alright now."

"That's a relief," Peter squeaked timidly, "we thought you might be-"

"She gets it, Wormtail," said an annoyed James. Judy turned pale white- something Sirius observed a lot. Instead of flushing red, she turned pale white. It made him worry.

"Yeah, I'm not… depressed anymore." She said, in a voice so soft they strained to hear her. She coughed and searched for a tone of voice that _would _show them she wasn't depressed.

"Actually, I was planning to go the Forbidden Forest for a while; you know, play my guitar…"

"You play a guitar?" Lily asked curiously. Judy shrugged modestly and disappeared through the girls' dormitory, only to return a minute later with a guitar strapped to her shoulder.

"I'll come with you," Lily and Sirius said at the same time. They gave each other irritated looks.

"I'd rather go alone," Judy said, frowning at the sudden rivalry between the two. But, surprisingly, they shared worried looks with each other.

"I'm not going to kill myself, guys!" Judy snapped, so loudly that half of the people in the Common Room turned to peer at her strangely.

"Okay, okay," They both mumbled, and she brushed past them, annoyance evident in her features.


End file.
